Networking is an interesting thing. I’m not sure what images come to your mind when the word is mentioned but I often think of two very different scenarios.

Firstly at a conference or business event where people are straining to say their 30second pitch to as many people as possible. Or secondly, a group of people in a small room with one person presiding over the meeting and ‘forcing’ everyone to pass on one of their contacts to another member.

The truth is, networking is both of these things and none of them. What do I mean by that? Both of these scenarios I have been in and technically they are networking, but they can be very negative experiences for some people who aren’t as extrovert and confident as others.

I want to tell you that networking is not about either of those scenarios. Networking is simply conversing with people. Getting to know people. Talking to people. Listening to people. Being curious about others.

I gave a talk at Westminster University to some of the business students encouraging them to think about their networks and to get out there and constantly meet new people to add to their network.

Here are some of the tips I gave them as I encouraged them to realise they already had a network and to think more about who was in it, why, and what skills and values they had.

1. How many people do you know?

It’s an interesting question. Go on. Try and count up how many people you actually know. It’s not easy as you have the question of ‘what does it mean to actually know someone?’ For sake of argument, I’d simply say its someone you meet or see regularly. This could be regularly once a year -as a doctor, dentist or it could be someone you see every day.

Some examples are your immediate and extended family, friends, work colleagues, clients and suppliers, fellow members of any church or religious groups you attend, people at clubs or organisations such as the gym, friends of friends, possibly those ‘met’ on Twitter or Facebook, or your local shop assistant.

2. What does each of those people do?

Aside from the obvious ones you already know from their trade, builders who may have worked on your house, your landlord, GP’s, think about what the other people do. What are their interests? What are their values? What are their goals?

The thing is we can often meet people regularly but not really make the time to take an interest in them. I’m just as guilty of this as anyone else. You never know if that person you meet in the gym could be your next boss or business partner; Could refer you to your next job–one you’re more passionate about. You could be just the person they need at that time. They could become a close friend. You just never know, and you won’t know if you don’t take an interest in them.

A couple of personal examples: my former partner in crime at Creatives Hub, Claire Meredith I met through a networking event (Drinks & Links –which unfortunately no longer runs in the UK). We got chatting, found we had similar interests and goals and connected. She has been instrumental in helping to set up Creatives Hub and co-hosted the podcast ‘Hatch – Let’s get cracking!’ with me.

I’ve also met people at networking events who I’ve just clicked with and through that decided we wanted to work together. We’ve then gone on to work for mutual clients generating thousands of pounds worth of work. So from a personal connection perspective as well as a financial perspective networking has delivered for me. But it always started by me taking an interest in people.

3. How do you generally meet new people?

(You are meeting new people, aren’t you?) It’s important to continue to expand your network. When we meet new people it can help us evaluate more of who we are. There are people we like. People we don’t like and don’t get on with so well. Why? What is it about certain people we just don’t gel with?

I for example struggle with people who are either disingenuous or ‘hard sellers’. I guess a lot of people do. When I’ve been at networking meetings or just chatting to people, if someone has their pitch and is ‘darned well going to use it’ and they’re not remotely interested in me as a person, then I naturally feel I’m not interested in them. It has to be a VERY good product or service that I need right NOW, for me to take any interest at all.

If that’s the case, I use the line ‘It’s been great chatting with you, now I’m going to continue mingling‘. Obviously, a bit more difficult to use outside of networking meetings, but you get the idea.

So you know who your network is. You know what each member does and what their interests are. You are getting out and meeting new people. This is a good start to understanding and growing your network and if I was to sum it up in one sentence, it would be ‘Cultivate an attitude of curiosity’. Learn to be curious about others. If you can foster a desire to want to know more about people this will help enormously.

Resourcing your network

It’s not easy if you’re shy or introverted, but there are many events and resources that can help with that. I also coach people helping them have more confidence in things like networking, so get in touch if that’s you.

I like the Business Buzz range of networking events. They are all around Hertfordshire, Bedfordshire and spreading. There are London and Oxford events now too.

Business Buzz is what I call a low-level networking event. There is no formal introduction. There are no ‘expert’ talks. You simply turn up at the venue, pay £5 and get chatting. People come mainly to make business connections but also for different reasons. When I started going, I’d just moved to St Alban’s and my main reason was simply to meet new people. If I got business out of it then great but that wasn’t my primary concern.

People do naturally come to do business and look for potential collaborators on projects. They are mostly solopreneurs and small business owners within sectors covering everything from accountancy and lawyers to marketers and coaches, events managers to photographers. You meet them all. It’s this diversity as well that I enjoy.

Ultimately, if you are naturally fearful about networking, thinking you might not know what to say; you’re not as experienced as everyone else in the room, don’t let that put you off. Take the plunge and you’ll no doubt be surprised that other people are in exactly the same boat as you, and you never know what contacts you will make that may help you towards your goals.

Over to you

So what’s been your experience of networking? What is it that strikes fear into you about it?

**Updated for 2019**